It is safe to say i've had a pretty lame and pointless day.But then again,everyone deserves one of those days once in a while don't they?They leave with me with a slightly ill feeling-as if I should be ill as i'm so bloomin lazy and the sun is out outside and people are offering me opportunities to spend my time more purposefully.But,tomorrow is the day I start my two weeks of Turner Bianca work experience and I want to perform my best-which means no alcohol to celebrate great end of year/great results day.I did think it couldn't have occured at a worse time,as I want to go out with Joe and his flat and get a lil skwiffy,but hopefully it'll be worth it and pay off in the end.
I'm a lil nervous it has to be said.But i've heard mixed reviews about the placement so far,as it was not only given to me,I've heard things from other girls off the course-some loving it and some hating it,so i'm keeping an open mind.I want to enjoy it because they could offer it to me for 6 months which would mean i'd be sorted placement wise.But then,if they don't I've still had a bit of time with them.It's nice to know for my first couple of days Sarah will be giving me a lift there,which means I don't have to worry about that side of things.
I just hope I make a good first impression on them all and get on well.
I suppose it's basically what you make it.
So,i'm going to make the most of it!
There isn't a lot more of other news really.I'm still worried about the same things and time isn't going any slower.I'm a little lost,truth be told.And soon I will be rather lonely here as Stev is moving out and he is the last.(Well,Simon lives here to but he's always at his girldfriends so I hardly see him.) I don't really do a great great deal with Stev apart from have a cheeky smoke and watch films,but I do love his company.And know that he is there.When he goes I won't have a friend two doors down.
But then again,I am living with him next year so it won't be too long til i'll see him again.
Ah next year.What the hell is in store.
My mind keeps changing it's tune.One moment i'm really scared-I think it's going to go terribly-I won't find a placement,I will have to live at home,therefore my relationship with Joe will crumble and friendships up here will break and i'll go in the wrong direction as a result making the whole Uni experience a complete waste.But then,when the sun is out and i'm having a good day,I feel that it is going to work out.A placement will come up and it will be here,meaning everything will slot into place.Eventhough the three months at home will be hard away from Joe,I will see him as much as I can and he can visit,and i'll be enjoying London,I can meet Sian for lunches and much needed chats,and it'll get me places.It'll all pay off.
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE WORRYING THIS MUCH,ISN'T IT?
I am growing used to the feeling of worry and I don't like it.I'm going to try my hardest to push it out and encourage positive feelings in.Because worry is infectious and I don't want others to feel it to,especially Joe.
I'm so proud of him.He came away with a first today and he's off celebrating his hard year with his friends.I think this will give him the encouragement he needs to do well in his business year.I am pleased that he is pleased.
I've been thinking about me and him recently,a fair bit.How normal this all seems and how I love it.Love what we have and take it for granted so much.Eventhough sometimes he doesn't ask me things I want him to,and he does things that annoy me,at least he's always there and makes me happy and smile and laugh til my sides hurt.He always holds my hand and kisses me with meaning and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.And when I take the time to step back and acknowledge what we have,i'm not scared about us anymore and think we'll just take each day as it comes and will do our best to keep us strong.As strong as we are now.
I can never be sure that I won't ever worry,in fact I know i'll have times where I will worry.But on the whole,if I believe it and want it as much as I do,then,surely it will work out.If i put in all my effort,there's nothing more I can do.And that's a good thing.
So hopefully I'll maintain these feelings.
In two weeks i'll be moving out of this place into mine and Stev's house.I think mum is used to the idea now although the undertones in her voice highlight to me she's still not pleased with me.I don't know what my plan is after I move out.
I did plan to get a job,earn some much needed money but because i'm eventually going home in the summer I won't be here for very long and i'd have to leave and be unreliable which I don't much like the idea of.Really I want to stay on to move in properly and sort out placements.So hopefully,it'll all fall into place.After they're sorted out I'll go home.Maybe work,maybe not.Who knows.Probably to late now.
Looking at albums Ben put up of his trip to Paris.
The holiday he booked for us to go on.
It makes me feel a bit sick actually because I'd bloomin love to go there.He looks happy.Which is good.
I still want to go.I want to go with Joe.We could discover our own Paris together and i'd take amazing photos with my Holga and ahhhh I just know it would be amazing.
Just a weird feeling right there though.
Ah well.
Back to my evening of nothingness.Maybe watch a girly film,catch an early night.
Rock and roll!
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