I really want to experience a consistent emotion,for more than a couple of hours.I hate my stomach always being in a knot and the worry of upsetting someone constantly is ending up making me upset.I just can't believe what's happened and what's going to happen in the future.Is this the right choice,the right decision?This is where people look back on these days and nod with agreement that this was either a good decision or the worst possible one.
I'm seeing dad tomorrow which should be nice.Today and most of yesterday were much better than the day before,me and mum are getting on better which is such a relief.I just hope it stays this way and hopefully she'll understand that i'm not making this decision because I want to get away from home.I'm hoping it'll give me a brighter,better future.
But who knows.
I don't like the idea that I'm only doing this because of dads help, because it does put a lot of pressure on him which i'm sure he doesn't need.I just hope he doesn't resent me for it,and think i'm this big weight he has to drag around for the next year.It'll be good to talk to him about it though,I feel I don't need to worry or keep secrets from him and I know we can both be honest.
I just want to be excited,and look forward to something without feeling this massive pang of worry or upset.

I used to be...so much better.I was re-reading old entries from another blog and it saddened me as to how much i've changed.I don't like reading the old me as,eventhough I have problems and worries and stresses,I deal with it all in such a more possitive way.And I seem to be able to talk about different,interesting things daily.So honest and so confident,although I was concerned for the future,I appeared to take it all in my stride.As of late,that element has seemed to have escaped.

Hopefully,I will become myself again.I'm sure after things have settled,it will all be ok and I can relax back into my own ways without being fearful.