Filling in the gaps

Communication is highly important.
And I love communicating.I'm not afraid to,I think it's an essential part of life and understanding how people are thinking and feeling.
I'm afraid that I shield off a lot of how I feel around Joe.I don't know if I honestly feel comfortable telling him the things I want him to know becuase of the way he communicates around me.I love talking about sex,secrets,desires,experiences,memories,fears etc.I think it's amazing and so very interesting.But i'm not sure he feels the same way and it puts me on edge becuase it means that I can't truly be myself.

I'm waiting with anticipation to see if I will get a text from him inviting me out to lunch with him and his parents.I highly doubt I will though,it seems another thing he's not overly keen on.If it were the other way around I would very much want him to meet my parents,as he's such a big part of my life that i'm proud of.But maybe,it's wrong to think that way about things.I just can't help but take these things seriously and be offended if he doesn't seem to react or be as bothered as me,but there we go.I can't change that in him.Maybe one day I will see some enthusiasm in this area and it'll be very special,and worth the wait.But then again,maybe he's just not that bothered,and maybe his parents aren't either-in fact he said that.
WHICH I DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW.
Who wants to know that?It doesn't make me feel very good about myself.

It upsets me that we can't talk like how I want us to.And that again is not a quality that can be changed in him.It's not a massive deal,but at times like this when i'm worried about things,the future,perhaps the future of us,I want to talk about it and be assured that everything will be ok.But then,it'll just bring up unnecessary worry and maybe that's why he doesn't want to talk about it as much as me,if at all.

Just sometimes,I do feel very alone.

I guess these are all things I will keep to myself and deal with myself as they're not a big deal and these things usually work out ok in the end and it's probably for the best that we don't talk it out becuase last time that happened I just cried as I was so nervous about it.I guess carrying on with what we are is good,and hopefully we'll be strong enough to withstand the upcoming changes.I don't know why i'm so worried about it,maybe i'm not as worried as I think I am.I think it's everything else.I still don't have a placement sorted out properly although at least the house is,but then again I don't have much money and I'm not sure what to do about jobs as I don't know how long i'm going to be here for...I hate being grown up all of a sudden.I'm no excited for the future anymore,it scares me.
And I don't feel like anything is home.
My friends are gone,or are soon going.Joe will leave for home soon and then I'm not sure what i'll do with myself.Probably go home to.But i'm scared to.When I go home,Uni doesn't feel like a good exciting thing anymore.It's this massive wedge inbetween me and my family and I hate it.It eats up money and gives me more worries.

:( I'll just play some mind absorbing tetris and hope for the best.