"and it is true what they say,that I live like a hermit in my own head..."

Saying 'I'm starting to worry' is a bit of a lie,really.I'm constantly worrying for the future and I really need to snap out of it.
What i'm worried about;

-A placement for next year.
-A flat for next year.
-Money.
-The future of my relationship.
-My relationship with my family.
-My communication with my family-mainly my mother.
-What's going to happen in the long run.

Writing them out makes it all much more clear.However,I realise that the majority of them do not need to be worried about-because I can only do so much to have a certain degree of control on the situation.Such as money, a placement for next year and what's going to happen in the long run.I suppose,on the whole,I just worry if all this stress at the moment, all the work I've been doing, time I've been spending is going to be worth it.I am terrified that I'll come out with a degree to fall back into old ways like so many others do.Go back to a comfortable job which will serve me poorly.Be at home,winding up my mother and basically living with regrets.But then,if i'm so determined to not end up that way,that's got to be something.Possibly even half way there.I know the way I want to go won't be easy-so far it's proved rather tricky in places.But hopefully,it'll be worth it and i'll get something.

I'm worried about moving out of here in a months time.I want to have something new to move into so badly.I want to know i've got something to come back to,to live in and make my own.I don't want to move back home-no offence to my family,but I don't think it would give me the best experience.It'll be a shame to move on from some good times here,to.It was great to live with the guys I did,they were so much fun.It made and broke a couple of friendships but mainly made the ones I had even stronger.I hope i'll still be in contact with them in the next couple of years.

IT's frightening because the second year,although it still meant a lot and counted towards to the final grade,it still meant we would be cared for a little bit like we were in the first year,and things seemed to just fall into place as everything was planned.But then I suppose,interesting surprises can occur when plans are set.

I just want to curl up under the covers and fall into a deep sleep and awake eventually to everything being ok.I'm just really scared that placements won't come up,so I'll have to be at home,which means...everything here will crumble.However,tomorrow I will list places to apply for and cater CVs and cover letters accordingly.I will sent them off and apply for two to three month placements at a time.Less likely to be paid but then at least I get more experience.I will apply for places up here,so it makes sense to live here.
I just hope that my plans are liked by everyone...

Dear old friend.
Remember the days where we used to write about times like these?Way into the future where anything could have been possible?You used to make me feel safe,more than anyone.Eventhough we were miles and miles apart,somehow you could make me feel like everything would be ok.I do regret that we don't speak as often as we once used to,but then I worried it stopped us from getting on with our lives as it was pretty intense.It doesn't mean I don't miss it and wonder how you are.Things with me are up and down,and i'm worrying a lot about the next year as there's a lot of things hanging in the balance.But right now i'm happy,just struggling to get that positive me back which you used to know so well. I wonder if you still think about me,and wish we still spoke...maybe one day we will be able to again.Maybe one day I'll call you and tell you i'm where you live-come meet me!But i'm too scared and it may do more harm than good,but maybe one day.
I miss the times I used to have where I didn't really care about grown up stuff.I used to look forward to embracing it.
Everything will be ok as death cab for cutie is playing in my ears.Hopefully you can sense my thoughts,and hopefully they make you smile.

Over and out!