Music Box

Before hitting the hay after a hard days night o' typing all about reflection,I decided it was about time I had a bit of personal reflection time.As it's been a while i've had some time to myself to mull things over.
I can't believe I'm nearly at the end of my second year of university.It has possibly been the most eventful,significant and fun year of my life.And it went so quickly.As wonderful as it is to reflect upon happy memories, it's worrying how fuzzy the future is at the moment.My third year is a placement away from the uni which means a change in location, change in work load, change in routine.That's a lot of change-and I hope it won't change the things that are most solid and dear to me at this moment in time!
I'm excited to hear back from interviews and job opportunities, the clock is ticking down and more and more girls off the course have got their places organised so i'm feeling the pressure.But hopefully, my hard work will have paid off and something will come along soon.
Me and Stev are hunting for flats,and hopefully i'll ring up a property owner and see if we can view a flat, which would be exciting.I'm very much looking forward to living with Stev,he's such a lovely guy and a wonderful friend.He is also quiet and clean and tidy,which means I won't constantly be tidying up after messy guys-which will make a nice change.We do get on very well and I look forward to getting even closer to him in the third year if all goes to plan.
There are parts of me that worry though...but it's silly worry.
I also worry about me and Joe, but then if i'm nearby the distance won't be an issue which will hopefully maintain our strength.He's enduring a lot of change to,so hopefully we can both rely on each other to be there and support each other.

Things with me and him couldn't be better at the moment,I am most happy and comfortable and we've had some lovely days together.
Sometimes I wish I could be more confident than I am with him, in specific areas.

The truth is,I am an extremely sexual being.I love to talk,think,share,write about,laugh about sex!I enjoy watching porn in the company of others, enjoy what makes others tick,best and worst times, talk about fantasies...Joe doesn't seem to want to do any of those things.There is something so cute about him being innocent and simple about he's sexual desires, but it makes me feel rather dirty in comparison. and it makes me sad to wonder if he'll ever know what truly pushes my buttons.I've tried on many occasions to start conversations, I ask him questions, he just NEVER asks them back.Indeed,he may not want to know.But,if that is the case that's not very fair.I suppose one night i'll just get really drunk and it'll all come out.I suppose we just need to feel more comfortable with each other to tell each other things.It's just an interesting adjustment.In comparrision to previous relationships, a lot of focus was paid to the intermate side of things.Of course it's not the most important thing in a relationship-and anyway-i'm just being picky right now,there is NO problem at all with that side of things with me and Joe.I'd just like him to ask one day.So then he knows, and maybe he'll be able to surprise me.
It's worrying that close friends of me know,but he doesn't.And to me,he is my best friend-so I feel he should know!
Ah well,maybe one day i'll tell him.Or he'll ask me.Who knows.
I suppose,whats the rush anyway?It's always good to keep a lil secret in store for a rainy day!...only if it's a good secret....which this on is!...to me anyway...haha.

Can't wait to have a week or so to myself, take some photographs, spend time with friends and family,Joe :D YAY I can't wait!