I just don't know what I would do.

Still concerned.
I know the more I think about it,the more I will get the symptoms because thats the way the mind works!But i'm ever so scared.
I rung up for a doctors apointment next week when I get back to uni so I can sort myself out.I'm thinking about perhaps stopping the pill i'm taking,reading some reviews of it,it's nice to see i'm not alone but i think it contributes to weight gain and rubbish moods,which i've been feeling lately.If I can get myself on another one-just have a bit of advice,then that's something.

I want to go back to uni now.I hate not being able to talk about it with anyone,I hate being left to my own thoughts :(

I think this is really missing someone.I really do miss Joe,and I realise how much I take our time for granted,becuase when it's gone I feel like there's a bit of me missing.I feel bad saying that,as I do love being home and being around my lovely family and friends.But he's a new sort of home to me,that I just can't replace.He's always there for me,and listens to me ramble on about silly things.
Being home makes me realise how much things have changed.I feel so much more older this time around,I don't know what is spesifically different now,maybe i'm the one who's changed and is different.
Whether that's the case or not,I like who I am at the moment.
But,seeing my old friends has almost saddened me.As we're all far away,more than ever before from the time we spent a few years ago,care-free young and excited about what the future holds.
One of my old friends is extreamly happy with a guy I just don't get a good vibe from.Formally engadged with a partner of 4 years,lived in a nice place,good job,to suddenly call it off,move to clacton and on the second day of being there,pull a girl,sleep with her and move in only a couple of weeks after suggests such haste.And he has a crossbow mounted on his wall-it just calls 'keep away.' Through the many bongs and joints has in the hour and a half I was there,he only talked about fish and fishtanks.Things are pretty sweet for him,I'm wondering if he's just waiting for something/someone better to come along.Because,on paper they have nothing in common.it's mainly a sexual relationship-she never says how well they get on,how they chat and laugh-it's only and always 'he's so hot,oh my god he's so amazingly sexy.' So,it leaves me sad to feel more worried about her than happy for her.
Another close friend of mine,I fear has taken the wrong track in one of his dessisions to get rid of his debts.It filled me with such saddness as I realised that he was demeaning himself,putting himself in to danger,and rapture his already fragile state of mind.
It left me feeling alienated.

And maybe that's just me,not being as understanding as I should be.There's just so much drama.And it makes me feel more sure that I don't want to come back here to live in future.

Ah,I'm looking forward to future entries of smiles and excitement.Not sad faces and worry.I've decided that today is the day I stop taking the pill and give my body a break.Let things settle back to normal.On tuesday I will ask for a new one,and tomorrow I shall buy a pregnancy test to put my mind at rest.Or,put me in the know.I will then have another to be truely sure on tuesday.
Oh god,I hope it really isn't the worst case senario.
I don't know what I'd do.