It's funny how some days,memories return far more frequently than others.I've been remembering all sorts of things today,thrown straight back into the olden days-many people crossing my mind.I sometimes wonder if the people I think about at the occasional moment are thinking of me at the same time.So,in some sort of way,we are saying hello.I highly doubt it somehow,the people I think of are from such a long time ago,and things have changed so much.
I feel saddened I don't talk to those I was once so close to.It's been ex-boyfriends today.It's not a longing desire to be back in those days,as i'm really rather happy with how things are at the moment,just sometimes I wish I could still be close to them.Time goes by,and you forget how annoyed you were at the time,how you didn't click anymore or how they upset you.You remember the great times shared.Becuase at some point in my developing life,they were a big part of it.And now,they are gone.
That's what it's all about though,people come and pass.Only special people remain.Is it bad sometimes I look around and wonder who it'll be?You think you know who it is,but the people I felt were certain completely dissapeared.Married,with children,happy?I hope so.I really hope so.
But then again if you want something enough,you have to put in alot of effort and I obviously didn't hold on too strongly.But it would be nice to be on speaking terms,not strangers.
Maybe one day we'll be re-united,when all the dust has settled,perhaps at a school reunion or something.I always hope there will be one of those,and look around and be surprised at how right or wrong my thoughts were!hehe.
Facebook is a blessing and curse all in one.So easily obtained,and yet so difficult to get rid of.I know i'd be much better off without it really,it encourages everyone to be nosey and I hate that becuase I never used to find it entertaining.But now,its almost as if it's a way of life.All my friends have it,and it's my only way of keeping in contact with most of them.But it keeps me in 'contact' with people I may not be as close to anymore,such as ex-boyfriends (I do hate that phrase!) and seeing what they're up to,what they're boasting about in their status' and how wonderful life is.Girlfriends plastering things all over their 'walls'-it's so silly really,and I shouldn't even check.I'm not jelous of it really,it just takes you back to the days where they were with me and how much things have changed.

Anyway.The night I went to visit Joes best friend Nat was so lovely.She's a really lovely person,and if she comes to this uni I hope to spend more time with her as we have much in common.I'm not sure what I was worried about!
Silly me.
Me and Joe are fine,which is just...so amazing to say.Sometimes,I can't believe I'm with him.I hope i'm not jinxing it by acknowledging it,but it's so simple and,I feel so connected to him.Today when walking back from his,I really didn't feel I wanted to be with anybody else.In my life.-I mean,fuck that's a massive statement for me to make.Thought to think.Thing to even consider.I will NEVER tell him,and I will probably never tell myself again,but it really did glow inside me that,i've never felt anything like this before.I realise all the other times I was wrong with my feelings,which is interesting.It's actually a little bit scary.He does annoy me occasionally,with little things here and there but they're just not a problem.And I feel that,if I told him,there wouldn't be any fuss.
I just can't help thinking about next year though,unfortunatly i'm still really worried about it.I know if i'm worried I need to do something about it-hit the nail on the head.But i'm concerned about where we'll both be living,what we'll be doing work-experience wise,will it put to much strain on things?I'm so worried he'll turn around and say that it just can't be done.I'm worried about talking about it to,because I don't want to bring it into the air.I just,over think everything.

I best get on with some work anyway.What's going to happen.
I'm really scared,becuase I want this to last so much.So much.