It's been a while since i've felt the urge to blog,but then again my lifes either been to dull and boring or so fast paced and rushed I haven't the time to write at all.
This week,it has to be said,has been more slow paced.Which is a nice contrast to deadling lingering the week before,climaxing to a mad rush til 5am on the day it's meant to be due.But I realise I need uni,or some sort of task,project,to keep my motivations up.Otherwise I bum around,eating bags of M&Ms and watching episode after episode of desberate housewives.
There is something so comforting,yet mundane about watching other beautiful womens busy lifestyles.Lives I may possibly never become close to living,but anyway.One can dream!
The munching on the snacks of chocolate and crisps is bothering me.At least with uni i'm motivated in all aspects,sometimes having no time to eat.This week where I could have been in New York (if,however,finances allowed-which they didn't,) I spent here and a brief visit to Blackpool which wasn't far from pointless!!I'm being pretty down beat I know.This is what happens when I spend to much time alone.It's when I worry to.Especially about my eating,I wonder if it's such a problem I should talk to somebody about it.From one extream to the other-extream callorie counting to not caring,thinking I like the way I look from every angle.
There is no meeting in the middle.
When I was single,I did care more.It is true,when you fall in love,you care less about the way you look becuase you are emotionally happy and pleased,therefore you spend less time concerned out your asethetics.And,in all fairness I think that is the way it should be-with of course,a lil bit of care here and there.I still make an effort for Joe,and I always will.But my old habbits die away when I'm with him.
Which is great.but it makes me realise what my old habbits were,which is worrying.Knowing they're dissapearing is a lil concerning in itself and bizzar as that sounds,becuase I know that something else may very well take it's place.
It's stupid,I know.But you just don't know.
Spending a fair bit of time with a flat friend whos a fittness freak also takes the pleasantness off enjoying a nice slice of pizza and some wine; picking up the bottle and telling me how i'm drinking at least half my callorie allowence in my current glass.I don't know why I let it bother me,but I do.
I know I can easily lose the weight that's bothering me if I need to.It's just developing the drive to do it.If I cut so much out,put up with my mood swings-then in two weeks,I've lost half a stone.
I don't know I need to.it's in my head really.And Joe doesn't mind at all,he shares no views on the subject.Not that I go on about them.When I did lose a bit a few weeks ao,he did comment saying I looked nice.And that warm fuzzy feeling kinda burned up my desire to be slim and I no longer cared how much chocolate i'd had in one sitting.Maybe I should have a few words with a doctor or something.Maybe they'd help me come up with some diet plan,of eating well yet not giving me the urge to buy loads of crap and eat all the crap in a night.
I'm going on about it way to much.
It should be a nice weekend,but i'm a lil worried about it.
I'm meeting one of Joe's best friends tomorrow,a nice girl who I have met and spoken to before but both brief occasions.I like the sound of her very much,and I want so much to get along with her i'm just worried about how I'll feel if/when I see her and joe together.Soemthing tells me that he's hiding something about her.
But I don't want to think things that arn't true.
Sometimes,I wonder if he wants me to meet his friends.
Each time,I feel like he hasn't talked to much about me,to them,which I know wouldn't be odd if he was a shy guy,but he isn't.I'm worried he might be a bit embarressed about me or something.
'Are you sure?I wouldn't mind if you didn't want her to.'
I know it's out of kindness,not wanting to put out a friend but I see it as more a; 'please say it'll bother you,so you won't meet her.' kinda vibe.I know i'm wrong but it seems like on every occasion I meet one of his friends theres something that snags inside me that gives me reason to feel anxious or concerned.
Anway,we'll see how it goes.
I'm sure i'll update tomorrow.
=/!
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