...yes.

I probably shouldn't be updating again,but i've felt like it a fair bit as of late.I guess now it's the start of a new project,the pressure isn't on (yet!) and I have more time to think and ponder about things.(That I probably shouldn't.)
I'm off out tonight,which should be nice.I always worry though,i'm not sure why.I guess I worry about having a good time,it's weird,I just don't fancy going out that much anymore.Maybe having a boyfriend kills the fun a little bit,becuase hassel from drunken guys (not oftern,mind,) is no longer flattering-it's annoying.And I'm very aware of my friends safety to,and if they're having a nice time.
Silly really,I should drink and be merry without a care,after all,I work hard I should be able to play hard to.I guess I feel like i'm creeping out of those olden days where I just wanted to be out of it,forget myself and my floors if only for a night...feel like i'm grown up when really,I was being far from it.
Classic words of a stick-in-the-mud though,I guess these days I become aprehensive about pretty much anything.Which is sad.But I will get better at teaching myself to not freak out,it will all be ok.
Maybe I'm not comfortable with letting myself well and truely go with the friends I go out with,maybe thats what it is.They're so very good to me,but as they get drunken to,they tend to drift away and leave me to it,which makes me feel rather conscious of what I'm doing and who i'm around.
Anyway.
I want it to be a cheer-y event for one of my friends who's had a rather low week.I really hopes she eventually finds somebody nice and who will treat her right.I suppose she's learning the long way around that asthetics really isn't everything,but I don't blame her-why settle for anything less than you feel you deserve?-i'm lying there,those are not my words at all.But it does by no means follow Joe,not at all!He is everything to me and more.He is more than I deserve!
Aww.
He's out tonight to,getting very very drunk in celebration for handing in his work,which is cool.I hope I'll see him this evening.I've never seen him really drunk before,i'm a bit worried as to what that may be like.Anyway,I hope he has a nice time.

Today's events are playing on my mind though,I can't relax til I get my gardes back and results from the Turner Bianka lady...should know her name really.Not a proffecional start.heh.
I do feel it went well,I went away feeling in my gut it went well,but I worry that my work just isn't commercial enough therefore i'll be considered a waste of time.Hopefully my personailty shone through,but when it's right there in front of you...you just want it so much.
But,I did all I could do.
And in the end,that is what matters.I don't think I could have done anything more,just hope I wasn't a fool...
I'm nervous.

And i'm thinking to far ahead!
I am a fool!!