So...I've worked myself into a bit of a panic.

I've had such a lovely weekend,but I am fearful for the future.And I just need to let it all out of myself before it just mixes up into some awful.
I'm feeling january slip through my fingers already,all these plans I had and i've just frittered them away on photographs-oh the irony,taking photographs of lovely moments while those very moments just fly right past...
It'll be my third year before I know it.And I don't have anything lined up.what I had planned in my mind can't happen now,although they said they'd like to be in touch still,it was a real blow as I doubt I'll find what I want to do.And I don't want to waste the year i'm meant to be spending learning constructive things about shaping my life and learning fantastic techniques...I'm just always fearing the worst case situation and it just makes it worse.And ok,I may have something-but thats all it is,a friend of a friend making a suggestion,will it actually get me anywhere?And even if it is genuiene,what will happen to me and Joe if i'm in London,and he's in Leeds?It won't work :( And what do I really want,something great on the CV or,the love of my life?

So sickly and cheesy,I can feel my insides cringe in a way.But at the same time,I can't help how I feel and what I fear.I know a little bit of order will sort this out and help get my head lined up straight,but still.I'm in a panic and i'm worried i'll let time slip past me even more,i'll miss my chances,and then i'll wind up in dead end Clacton for the rest of my days.Feeding my aggression and pity for each lonely soul who walks past me,eyes staring into eyes that no longer shine or have hope...YES i'm being over dramatic,but I SO don't want to let myself down.
I need to talk to dad.
Get help from uni.
Get in touch with Jess.
Do some research.

That is the plan for this week.Then sort out my CV.Then,I'll hopefully have some perspective.
I do hope,I do hope this will all work out ok in the end.
I'm so scared :(