New year.

It is here.And I am looking forward to it very much.
I'm a-wondering if maybe this is the first year in a long while i'm not determined to change something about me to dramatically change myself.Perhaps the first year i've relevaed a lil bit of pressure!
It was a nice evening,a bit random in places but if spent with Robyn,thats to be expected,bless.It was so wonderful to see her again,to talk like the all days-as if nothing had changed really,we could just slot back into things.I find great comfort in that I recon it'll always be that way.
Wow,big sigh.
I hope I get things sorted and organised this year,I hope things work out for the best.I mean,I feel that about ever day but this year is again,where loads of change could occur and it scares me to think that if I fall out of line a wee bit,then it could all be a bit wrewined.(and there's that pressure again!)
I suppose I worry sometimes about the whole uni thing,how there is a slim chance of me making anything from it at all.so harsh I know,and only a couple of entries ago I was saying how even mum is believing in me now moreover myself...but sometimes I hit a bit of a low and I fear the worst.
I really do fear it,failing myself and all this effort working up to where I am now.
Uni was my finish line.Uni was my goal.
Now,i'm not entirely sure what is.Overcome by friends who once were getting married n' all does have an effect.But self belief should help pull me through the doubts I hope.And of course I'm starting this year fresh with someone new.Yet,someone who doesn't feel new to me.In a cheesy way I feel he's already a part of me.And I want him to be for many more new years :) with mini balloons with coal that float in the midnight skies,surrounded by merryment and the scents of bonfire smoke on the beach,snow dusting my nose...it makes me tingle at the thought.He makes me tingle.I am very much in love.this is it,this is what it feels like.I believe it now.

Oh and to think how I started last year.With such good intention to change.I suppose I actually did,and I did finally push Ben out of my life and I felt myself once again,it's as though I wasn't here for a couple of years,but I did learn a great deal.I realise I say that such a lot!

Aw,I'm going to be sad to leave home again but i'm looking forward to getting back to uni so much...awwww.