Noises of Velvet Underground on repeat...

It's been a really nice couple of days,actually.
I always start these entries with an uncertain air,or perhaps something completely negative.But at the moment,I feel far from negative.

I'm still a little worried that all of this will suddenly stop,suddenly be taken away from me and I'll be back to square one again,but I've had such fun and have felt well and truely enjoyed,it would all be worth it.But I want a future with him so much,the more time I spend with him,the more we do,the more we unwravel our minds and personalities the more I want him.
It's been so long since i've felt something so real.That i've really wanted to give someone every bit of me,felt I have a connection with someone.It's been so long.and it's just so refreshing,and I hope he feels the same way.We've spent alot of intermate time together,he is so wonderfully tender,comforting and touchy feely,I've never had someone feel me so much-and i've never wanted someone to feel me so much.I'm gradually getting to know he's flat friends to,which are all a nice bunch of people.It's just been really pleasant.

But nothing's really been truely said to make anything solidfied,but then I feel if we keep it up and try hard enough then hopefully it will.
So,I'll have every piece of me crossed for that,as he has truely brought back the old me again.And I love it,so so much.

I havn't heard anything from Ben,which has been fantastic.Now saying that,I'll probably hear from him tomorrow or something in hatemail,but thats fine.I'm beyond that stage,and don't miss him.I knew he was getting a new phone,and I sent him a text over the crossover but got no reply.And oh,the joy it was so see nothing from him.Odd,but great becuase,I felt truely free.And still do.Maybe he to,felt it was all a bad idea.Maybe he's found someone new.I'd like to know,I'd like to still be friends,but know that won't be the case.We won't ever be friends becuase,we've tried and failed at that epically.But there we are,it took me two years to realise it.And at last,coming out the otherside I feel as though I can reflect apon it all in a possetive way.
We'll have to see how that all goes though,there is still time for him to bring back all the unpleasantness,but for now all I want and care about is Joe.

And I hope so so much,nobody tries to take it all away from me...