200.

Wow,this is my 200th blogger entry.
It's interesting,looking back through the old days,how I used to be and what I used to feel.It's made me feel rather remenisant really,with all these posts and thoughts,am I still the same person?
Yes,yes I am.but i'm a person who's just been through a lot.I'd say about 170 of those entries I related to him in some way shape or form,which is worrying really.But at the same time,interesting to see how many times I've written about the same sort of things,yeah,most interesting.
I always hoped that at a significant peg in the blogger scale of things,something had happened to entail some change,and I think it's safe to say that there has been as of late.I think it's good,well,as I was reflecting upon some moments ago with a close friend,anything that brings me back to the me I used to be,is a good thing.

I think this feeling is happiness.But why is happiness always tinged with a little bit of saddness?A bit of reflection,on all the things in the past.
Steph was telling me all about her fairy tale love today.It's annoying becuase,everything falls right into place for her and I should be most jelous.But in truth,i'm nothing short of happy for her.I find myself looking up to her in many ways,hoping that one day i'll be re-telling her the same sorts of things.I thought I had grown out of all the childish hopes etc,but I honestly don't think it ever leaves you!
It did make me realise however,how you musn't regret a thing.everything that happens,does happen for a reason at the end of that day,and sometimes we don't know what that reason is and it won't be apparent for a while.But I finally find myself looking back at almost fondness of the good old days,and the past uni year where all these entries have occured.I've leanred a great deal in the process,and know and understand now that sometimes,you're just not compatable with particular types of people.And for ages I didn't want to believe it,but now,having something or had this time (which I fear will disolve around me any second,) to feel true happiness again-to feel young and excitable,with too much to say one gets tongue-tied and goes crimson in the face when complimented...I do believe it.This is just another learning curve.

I've learnt alot about myself to,about my body,about the way I deal with problems,stress,time management (all not very well!hehe,)and not just in the romantic departments but in uni work and life in general.Trying to get the balence right,I mean,I have by no means sussed it yet,and possibly won't til the day I retire!!But,i'm getting there slowly.With the rises and the falls.
This year is going to be a good year.It's been good so far,but I want it to be great.I'm going to try extreamly hard to get to where I want to be,and prove to so many people that I can do it.But I hope to prove to myself I can do it to.

With one deadline met,with much rush,panic and fluster,a new one begins.I hope the next few months,will be as good as the past couple of weeks :)

Hope :)