I am mearly a shell.

It is clearly a bad sign if I am adhamed to even admitting to myself that i've let him in and destroyed me again.
I need a break from all of this,and I am kicking myself knowing that I had the chance to be happy,and be strong and get on with my life.But instead,he's actually got into my head and has made me feel like the worst person ever to walk this earth.
I can not eat,all I want to do is sleep and block everyone out,everyones happiness.Is this depression?Is this me-the girl who was proud to admit she was stronger than to ever let that feeling take her over,be taken over by an utter arsehole?Who now wants everything to be suddenly better again,for me to forget everything he said...I WILL NEVER FORGET ANYTHING YOU TELL ME.
I hate him.But he will never know that,becuase nobody deserves to know that.
I am so utterly dissapointed i've done it again,and I can tell nobody about it becuase they will be ashamed of me also.
Was he created,to make me feel so low?Becuase if he was he is winning this.It wont be long til my soul has been drained and I just fail,becuase I need to be me to succeed.

Steph told me some brilliant advice the other day.That you need to know who you are and be okay being on your own before you meet someone,otherwise,what have you got to give?

I will find this magical guy soon,I feel it'll be after christmas.I hope it will be,becuase I miss being myself and having something to look forward to.I hate crying all the time,and shaking in fear.I'm in a loop,and i'm stuck on repeat.I need someone to take the tape out and change it to something catchier,something thats going to make me breath properly again.

This is it.
This is depression.
That son of a bitch.I will never win.