Today has been a good day overall,although i'm filled with doubt.Maybe he didn't have a nice time in my company,maybe I scared him away.Or maybe this is what he does,plays it cool.
I have no idea.
It's been such a long time since i've felt this way,so unsure,worried and slightly gidy.I wonder if it's real,it's the first time i've wanted to feel a connection and actually wanted to let somebody in again.The thing is as soon as I want to allow that,I over analyse and let my heart open to hurt and rejection.I'm usually really rather possitive when dealing with that sorta caper,just keep busy and hang around with close friends.But I fear i'll forget that and just go over the top.
If he's playing it cool,then thats what I should do too.But in actual fact,I just think something more exciting has come along,and he wants to act on that.Maybe,possibly,I have no idea.We appear to be back at that stage again.I suppose the coolest way to go about it is to not care,to not be interested in knowing so when he does contact me about future meeting up plans,it'll be a pleasant surprise.
But inside,I know i'll never be able to not care.Especially when I had such a nice time in his company,I only hope I didn't go over the top,far to excitable,appear to intence?is it possible for me to even comne across that way?hmmm.
Ah well.Maybe today was enough.
Don't you just hate it,when you want to say so much,yet can't pull the words together to structure the sentances?I guess if you never ask,you'll never know.But the fact is I know i'll always be to polite to throw myself forward and put myself first,pt myself out of my own misery.
I'll just put on some Motion and City Soundtrack and try and forget about it.And hope the right guy will come along soon.This band is just so me,it's unreal.
It's worrying.
i'm in a very terbelant mood at the moment,i'm very much looking forward to snapping out of it.
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