don't you just wonder sometimes,how you find yourself where you do?I sit and wonder that alot sometimes.Is it really a case that it's [our lives] all planned out for us?Or is it spesific junctures where certain ends meet and we have to choose a way is when it all changes?Where our life could have gone another way altogether...
I try and picture those moments.Perhaps moments I decided to stay at CCHS,calling ends to relationships or falling out of contact with certain friends.It's important to not regret how things are now,but sometimes I wonder where i'd be if maybe i'd done something differently.Huddersfield uni was where i wanted to be all along,and there I am!so why am I complaining?
I guess I don't mean it in a very literal sense of direction and where I find myself.I think I mean personality wise.It's amazing what people do,people get trained to do-look at a persons friends before they judge the person in question...and I look at mine and think; "where are they?" at home,my friends are really only assosiations.They hardly know anything about me.Ok,a handful do.but thats through silly facebook quizzes and drunken moments.None of them ever want to delve deeper.And the guy who does,was a guy I was once with...and that doesn't count.Becuase he's not good for me end of.
I find myself frustrated becuase,I rarely say what I mean.In good ways,and the bad.So it all conjeals and solidifies inside me,weighs me down and turns my smile into an ever faking smile that remains,even through the bitterest of times.
I've got work soon.
And it's a thursday.And thursdays suck.
And tomorrows friday,where everyone is out and i should be to,but i don't feel like it-i don't want to be apart of the crowds tonight,I want to unwravel in a film with some tea and chat to friends til the small hours.
Not feel inclined to get drunk,spend money I don't have and feel stabs of envy towards people I wouldn't normally feel envy at.
What is this all about?
well...only two weeks to go til i'm bac and working at uni again.I'll miss home so much,but,there will be lots I cant wait to escape from.
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