So,the whole being 19 thing is going quiet well.Although,my body has been showing me the warning signs that i’ve been over-doing it.And I guess in a lot of ways I have.I just get so excited,I realise that every ounce of my body engulfs it all.But I can’t help thinking big,looking at the big picture and scheme of things yet,reflect on the past year. And what hell of a year it’s been.It’s been good on the whole,actually, it’s been fantastic.I really like who i’ve become-which is basically just a ‘recovered self’-the carefree, happy go-lucky person I used to be was forced into hibernation for a short time, but i’m back now fresher than ever. Big things are going to happen this year, and not only have i wished it on every flower petal, breath of blowing seeds and each cake slice,I have wanted it truely in myself to.I have established a close circle of friends,in a new place and a core of independence that nobody can take away anymore,because i won’t let them.I shall not be moulded by anyone, ever again.I shan’t let anyone take me over again.
I realise there is no need to rush into these things when maybe i’ve not let go of strings and memories and all that jazz that you’re meant to let go of before branching off into new relms. I’m not going to let society tell me how to think and feel, i mean it’s taken me long enough to appreciate my own body...
It’s amazing how much time you spend thinking about yourself, yet never paying enough attention to sort any troubles or worries.Everythings so fast paced.
But if you know it’s that way, you can learn I do suppose.Or,at least your meant to.I feel myself creeping back into my old skin, listening to a few of my favourite bands,brings it all back. The anxiety, young emotions about things I didn’t yet know all about. They were good times. But then, I suppose every day should be a good day. I think working has helped shape me into the person I am today to.Sure, it’s far from fancy and many frown apon it and view it as a typical clactonian role in life, but I see it as far more than that. It’s a chance to have a short, valuable moment into a strangers life-there interaction with me, people around them, the way they deal with money, what they’re buying, it’s just endless entertainment. It has made me even more determined to have a stab about what I really want out of life, instead of assuming that it’ll all fold just because i’m not from a highbrow family background. I think you can really achive anything, if your determined enough. Sometimes, I feel my parentals are the very opposites of each other. Dad has always been ‘bloomin go for it, I’ll always be here for support, anything you want to do- do it!’ whereas mums like, ‘oh I tried but it didn’t work out. You know theres lots of work in retail...’ so of course i’m determined to show mum it can be done. That I do want a slice of a life more than ordinary, but not me smug about it. Sometimes I walk out of the front door and think; this could be it. The last day I ever live. So I take more time to get a smile or a word out of a stranger I pass in the street and take in everything around me.
It won’t be long til I’ll be going back to Hddersfield now. And it’s a great feeling. Though, I do miss home when i’m away. This year is going to be the best yet, i’ll make sure of it. I’ve spent enough of my first year picking up pieces only to be picking them up again after anther daft yet horrendous argument. Nothing is worth breaking me down, and on reflection I know I changed a little bit, to meet the desires of others. I can see how people quickly list regrets, but I feel thats a bit harsh to say. Because looking back I knew I were doing it, I’d write it nearly every day.So when I knew I were being foolish i shouldn’t be surprised to label myself the fool.
It’s nice to know that, in this year i’ve done all sorts of things I never thought I would do. Which makes me feel excited about my future! I really am going to work so hard in all my projects, and work hard to make my friendships this year stronger. Sharing a flat with a load of guys is going to be interesting! And all my friends here turn up their noses and think it’s silly. But, guys make such great friends I feel. And I enjoy the way uni throws the most unusual combinations of people together who, in other circumstances, wouldn’t take a second glance at each other. Anyway, it just happened. And Ally fell ill, so it wasn’t planned that it would end up that way. It should be fun, noisy i’m sure... haha.
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