"It's easy not to think when your not told that much..."

I don't mean to be harsh.full stop.But,to be quiet honest I can't help but realise I find myself surrounded by complete and utter idiots.It appears that today,people want to go out of there ways to push my buttons.It's like they're waiting for me to explode or something along those lines,with much swearing and out-of-character reactions.Even if I feel like it I don't,but it's times like this I realise they're succeeding!
Even if it is a stupid little job,a large majoirty of the time I dispise,I still put in all my effort.and people still treat you like you're an idiot,or just talk...words that mean absolutely nothing.It's all just...crap I don't care about.Why tell me?I've never expressed any desire to know,any reason to care for the people in question.And for some reason,people want to make me feel jelous-they're truely wasting there time!It's so frustrating.
But never mind,this is just the lives we live.This is what we do to stay alive.

I fear that every time,I let him in a little bit,give him a chance and just,try...I get some sort of punishment.Only minor,but enough to make you step back and realise someone up there is making a point about it.
It's been a while sinse we've spoken to each other,actually had a bit of a chat as friends,a wee catch up.And today was the day we met up for a little bit.
It was the first time I actually looked and him and thought...my god.What the hell did i find attractive in you?his personality is so unbelievably lac-luster at times,so crude and rude,talks only of himself-and the girls he see's-eventhough he says as friends,i know he pries,trys to make me feel a tinge of jelousy.FAIL.He talks about all these 'problems' and they're all so empty...so attention seaking.I don't look at him and see a 24 year old.I see a childish,attention seaking fool.I can't say I don't still get the butterflies when he compliments me,but i just know it's his way of trying to real me in again ONLY to upset me.
This time,I won't let him in.
But it made me feel as though...I have come out of this the same me.I have changed a little bit,but I find myself smiling at the sky,enjoying the feeling of fancying somoene on the backburner,which,probably won't come to anything.But still,it's something to give me some hope.I always hope it will do,but if not,it'll be okay.I'll be ok.I can't be in this emotional limbo anymore,it's not fair.Whatever we are,were or was,was not right.

so.it's been ups and downs.But,I want to feel on top of things again.and i think thats creeping back in,and it feels good.
I'll try not to let things bug me like they do sometimes,but I just can't help it,it all builds up inside and i can't really tell people i don't care!so...it just spills out here.I have Reading to attend soon,and it should be good fun.Although he'll be there mainly,but if we can just be friendly and get along and just enjoy it all,well that'll be splendid.
I can't wait though.I wont let him spoil it.

I just...love the feeling of wonder.This stage is one of the best.The hope.The desire to get to know someone.I just don't want to be saddned if it doesn't come to light..i don't know though,it feels a little bit better this time around...