"i'm sorry.I'll always be your friend...it's just my way of conveying how I feel."

Yeah?well your way of comunicating sucks ass.

I've been thinking alot recently.I know I probably say that every entry,but it's true.Not only have I found myself looking up from this pit of saddness,anger and worry,but it's made me look at myself in a different light.One of dissapointment.If only he knew how much he has an effect on me and my well-being.I should remind him constantly but I don't.I handed him back all his stuff that he leant me over the past year-which he exclaimed; "I don't hold judges-you didn't have to do that."But i kept my cool.I knew when he saw me he filled with dread and perhaps a hint of guilt.But it needed to be done.I don't want a single item of his around me.This is where the change happens,and the real moving on stage occurs.I realise every other single attempt i make at attempting to forgive and forget,I never give myself the chance.I'm always allowing him inside,always letting him have another chance when I know he'll just do it again and again.
We hugged.And I left.At least I know it won't be bitter exactly,but I still want to cry when I see him.And not becuase I want it 'all to be ok' becuase when is our situation ever ok?I just feel so frustrated,so ashamed of myself that I let him in and destroy my happy self.But she's on the re-build now.I won't be treaded like this by anyone again.

This stage will pass.I will become better,and he will feel like the idiot.Eventually,he will.