"I just hope all the bad out weighs the good."..."It didn't/doesn't." [she lied]

I don't think I write about alot of good things,which is a shame.My head is always full of irritations and things that bog me down.Generally things that go round and round my head,drive me mad.Sometimes,I just want to unload everything onto something I can read back to myself so i feel some sense of order in my mind.there are just so many peoples faces,objectives,worries...I fear one day it'll be the death of me.I'm always putting some form of pressure onto myself.Expecting the worst,fearing the words I say will somehow jinx the fate of an outcome.It really is quiet maddneing.

I think i'm a good friend.I try and be there for everyone.but it's hard when sometimes,you just don't know what to say,or don't want to put yourself in akward situations.Everything is changing,people are growing and moving on from this town.So when I come back for a while,it's difficult to gather people together like it used to be,to remeise and relfect.
But thats ok.
I'm seeing Robs tomorrow,which I'm looking forward to.I enjoy seeing her,she makes me feel innocent and young,and like everythings going to be ok.She may be a lil flimsy at times,but she's always been there for me and has always wanted me to be there for her to.And thats what friendship is all about,lasting time,distance and circumstances.Not just picking each other up when the moment is convienent.I hope she'll always be there.

I saw my auntie today,for the first time in a long while.I know so much more than I used to.It makes me veiw my family in a completely different light.I reaslise I don't write alot about my family,and family matters.I suppose it has its problems but,we just deal with it and not let it get in the way like it could do.Everyone could blame certain problems on family,but it isn't worth it,and isn;t what familys are for.It did make me wonder,however,how important communication is.Right from the very start.I'm glad I can communicate with mum to an extent,it's a shame I lie,but it's always about silly things,nothing like problems and such-I always tell her,even if she doesnt want to know!and my dad and brother know practically everything there is to know about me!which is comforting.

So there we are.
I think things are going to be alright.
=]