be prepared for a very emo sounding entry...

I just feel so,so alone.
and when i'm with my once close friends,I feel evenmore disjointed.Whats going on?why has everything suddenly gone wrong?Why do I suddenly feel so empty?
I am in need of a damn good cry,everythings bottled up inside me and i'm fit to explode at any moment.Talking about anything wih anyone just makes me feel more shit.And working in a constanltly social job makes me feel evenmore silent.My smiles don't convey how I'm really feeling inside.
I wish I could say how I feel.
I wish I could be a better person,and organise my life and do whats flamming best for me.Becuase I know my flaws,I know what i do wrong.And every time I move forward,I climb back again,lower and faster,everything I look at I feel bitter towards and my thoughts are growing evermore percermistic.This isn't me.this is someone else trying to claw there way out,and I want whoever it is to stay the hell out of my head.
sometimes,you just want something.want someone to say that you mean everything to them,just for being you.I don't think any of my close friends feel that way about them.They just use me to unload some of there troubles cluttering up there lives,and then go on to say how amazing everythings going to be for them.
I hate being the one at the bottom of the pile,the one whos relied apon for listening qualities and contiuous niceness.It's rubbish.I don't feel I connect with anyone.

I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK.
get out of my face you tard.just get out,stop making me feel like shit,I hate this.I hate you,I hate thinking about you,I hate it the way you feel you can tell me off and tell me how to be.I can't wait to get away from you,can't wait to make you feel as low as you make me feel,becuase one day you're going to want me for something so much-AND I WILL TURN YOU AWAY.and laugh under my breath.WHATS THE FUCKING POINT.i just dont understand you.i never will.you are poisonous.And i'm NOT letting you near me.