the come down.Again.

I'm quiet worried about tonight,that he's actually coming.That i'm actually ,etting him in again.Unfortunatly drunken flat friends will make it an akward ordeal-i'm so happy.But,then again having noises and people around will help make it more normal I do suppose.I can guess what will happen,or what I'll let happen.I don't want to,but it's been so long,and I sometimes I do find myself missing him.I just hope we dont argue,or he wont be grumpy and we can make excersions as friends,have conversations.I don't want to look at him and feel my tummy fall to my feet as I realise nothing I will say will go down well-he'll always correct me or try to better me,or maybe,not say anything at all.It's not a functional friendship or relationship,and these couple of days we'll be spending together will make me come across the weaker,more stupid one.It's not a compertition,I win hands down every time.But I know what i'm doing to his ego.And I wish I could be stronger.
the night of the gig will be fun,we're both really looking forward to it,but I know that he'll want to be kept entertained-which means money-which I never have enough of,and dont currently,-which means that'll I'll come out poor,probably unhappy and he'll be going on and on about how I SHOULD have gone about doing things.

I'm being harsh.
But I can only judge on past expereineces.He says he wants to get out,do something with his life before it's to late,so maybe this is him turning over a new leaf.
The thing is,if I come out of this upset of offended or hurt,I can't be annoyed by it.I only have myself to blame for ignoring others perfectly fine advise,and following my tainted heart.but hopefully,it'll be fun.And maybe i'll find he has changed,and he'll ask me all the things I wish he had done right from the start.

He's always wanted me to be open,and yet,he never asks heart-opening questions,he's never seemed to want to get under my skin.It all boils down to what dad said so rightly;power.I don't want him to have it,and yet i knowingly do.
But maybe this time i'll find I have a lil bit myself too...