So,I'm back in huddersfield.And,it's nice to be back again with a couple of the friends,catching up and laughing alot again.I mean,I did at home too,but of course the last day just had to be utterly wrewined by the dick...
"some people,you just have to cut out of your life Phoebe.You cannot be friends with everybody,and he,without even being here is bringing in negative vibs into this household.And I want it to stop." < my dad is always the wisest one in these situations,I love him so much.
I am so greatful for the close-ness of my family.
I mean,it's disjointed in places,it's also confusing and there is still alot of things I don't yet know about certain people,but it doen't matter to me.Family is Family at the end of the day.And,eventhough there are so many things I want to be better at and change,I know they will grow and be better in time.Time is the best healer.

And dad is right.
Ben made me feel the most upset I have ever been.
I felt my soul leap from my body,and explode into a thousand pieces.I just crumbled away,and cried.Let him have the worst word...i'm a terrible friend,all I say is rubbish,i'm disgusting,i'm a liar...so many harsh,cold things.He swore so much,he was so persistant,twisted all my words and dragged up past agruments.He is amazingly childish and attention seaking and wrong.He only listens to himself and I actually wanted him gone from my life.
And yet,I know i'll forgive him.
but I won't ever let him do that to me again,I never want to be so close again.

I feel odd.I wish he would change and stop making me feel so awful all the time.He makes me hate myself more than words could describe.I hate him becuase he makes me believe what he tells me.

I think we know who the idiot is here.

GET OVER IT.LET IT GO.