Feeling a lil more sunny...

So,a little more has been lifted from my mind now,knowing that finally I am in the driving seat of...myself!
I went to the doctors yesterday,reciveing only a pittyful look from the nurse,thinking goodness knows what about me,and advise to go elsewhere.So I went elsewhere and treid to get myself seen,only to be turned away.It all hit me-I imploded into tears.I was soon seen.[ahahaha.]
I felt so dirty sitting imbetween all these dyed blond haired girls with there make-up thickly applied,in snug fitting tracksuits.But when I spoke to the nurse,she put my mind at ease.So I have an appointment monday to clear things up,which has made me feel much better.
I saw Ben yeseterday,against everyones will.I felt it had to be done,I don't want to not be friends with him,it would make things so akward and negative and,he really isn't the one to be falling out with.Although i'm annoyed,upset and stressed out by him,in some ways I feel he is good for me.I do get away with alot sometimes and it's good I get reminded about things sometimes,eventhough he's far to harsh.I think the friendship thing is going quiet well,and so far with resisted the temptation to be intermate-which is brilliant becuase I don't ever want him touching me again!I feel as though I am distroyed.
I'm over exagerating,but still.
I'm keen on making things and doing things,the old creative self is creeping back in which is a really good feeling.I'm seeing an old friend later which should be lovely to,as he always reminds me of humour and happy times.I'm seeing dad later too,hopefully i'll be able to get some project work done to.
I'm looking forward to going back to uni,and seeing flat-friends and getting work done.I miss the routine in a strange sort of way.Although being home is lovely and I will miss it muchly.Although,this term won't be as stressful which is nice.And then I have the summer to look forward to,and theres alot happening then.
I just can't believe how quickly the time has gone.

Hopefully,I'll be happier now.hopefully,whatever that last spell was about it has passed now.I hated it.I guess depression and negativity does crop into my life occasionally,when it hits,it hurts and bites and eats me away.But it doesn't hang around long,I won't let it. i guess most of the stress and unpleasantness I put apon myself is self inflicted.I know the things I do that are bad for me,I just keep going because I think I can handle it.When,of course,I can't and everything takes its toll.I'm just not very good at organising myself.Or saying no.I want to be friends with everyone and keep everybody happy,but it turns out thats not really possible.
which makes me feel like I fail.
But,at least some things on the horizon are looking up.I'm working,so hopefully getting out of my overdraft and such,I have my loan coming in,i've got ideas for projects and am generally inspired.
:)
hopefully,things will be okay in the end.