Tied to the testing of wills...

It's strange this wave thats come over me.
I want to be different that who I am =[
I'm just not sure anymore.

I guess things are level and even between me and ben,we talk as friends on a regular basis which,in all honesty,I didnt think we would be able to do.But we can do it rather well and it makes me feel happier than I honestly thought it would too.I dont feel as though he's completely left my life,eventhough during some moments thats all I wanted.Maybe we are just better as friends.

I want so much to find somebody new,eventhough I keep telling everybody thats not what I want.Just someobody I click with.I really long for somebody to fall in love with.
And it sounds so unbelievably lame.
I should be concentrating on other,better and more important things.

going out tonight,with entrie flat.
I'd be lying if I said I were looking forward to it.I am,but whenever I go out,it seems to cause problems and somebody ends up getting upset =[ this time,I really want to have a pleasant time.And get rather drunk,but not silly drunk.
Ah.
We shall see.

mood-glum,bleak and hungry.