This is going to be a girly post.I cant be bothered to write it all properly,as the large majority of the time I try and write it out exactly the way i'd say it,but this time around ive just got the "nobody cares" attitude.
It just annoys me that i'm clearly going backwards.How on earth did i decide that what i've done/plan to do etc,is going to encorage possitive change?becuase it's really not going to.Going backwards drags up old problems,and those are not what i need right now.
I need to move on.
And when i really felt like i wanted it the most,someone has come along.And this feeling i'm feeling is just like the olden days,the concern and giddyness,as I have no idea how he feels about me.It is possible we flirt,but in a sophisticated way,if there is such a way.And he makes me go red in the cheeks and warm and fuzzy on the insides,and his compliments I really take to heart.We get on so well,and he's such an...amazing guy.but I doubt it'll have a happy ending,i really think that.I'm sure a relationship is not what he's after.
We have been talking quiet alot recently,about meeting up and doing something.I suggested going to see bloc Party together,or going out to take photographs with out similar cameras.He was what made me look forward to uni.
Poul.
Ah,poul.he has no idea.We're different in lots of ways,and theres so much about each other we don't know.but i look forward to finding out,even if it only comes to being friends.And that it probably will.Becuase,I just dont have the balls to build apon...anything.And I dont want to make it weird or strange between us,eventhough there isnt alot to lose,i guess.but then,i have to pull weight and show some interest! I'm sure he'd be very polite,calm and charming as he usually is.
I just feel like,he's the type of guy for me.
:)
aww ive gone all warm just thinking about him.And its been such a long time since i've felt that.Mixed with confusion,some anxoity added in there too.
I said I'd pop over and see him on sunday,give him a text-but god,im so nervous!! although,alot of ice has been broken,about all sorts of things.I hope it'll be nice and casual,yet I really hope he enjoys my company.

you ever get thats selfish urge/wish,that someone will just love you're company so much?that they'd always want more of you?more of you for who you are...I really want that,more than anything...
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I have Reading to look forward to now.
But,I have NO money at all.
And I won ben lots too.
£30.
^ sad times,i dont even have that.
=[ I need to pay him back somehow...
oh god.
I hate this.

IM SO MIXED UP.
i really want me period to come...