Old habbits die hard.
I'm sorry.I lied to you again.When I said that it wasnt my intention to get a boyfriend by August.Becuase,if i'm completely honest,it's all I can think of right now.And i'm ashamed to say it.
Miricals to happen don't they.So,there must be a small possibility that it'll actually happen.I mean,it's me we're talking about so everything has t be painful and redicilous.Make no sense and drag up much of my un-nessisary past,or people keep rearing there ugly heads to FUCK EVERYTHING UP for me...just,give it a rest.
S* had some big talk with me lat night,wanted to know if he should move on,if i still fel the same way-how much ~I liked him,becuase,i guess I do.But inside i know I just don't.And i don't want to get with him,and it feels so terrible to say it because on paper he ticks all the right boxes.And yet,there is something missing,something not quiet right.So i find myself lingering.
And I hate myself for it.
I actually wish I were better and could actually tell him the truth.but for some reason Id ont,i just cant spit the words out and string them together to form something understandable.
All he does is smile.And 'lol'. It annoys me very much,how everything is on a knife-edge between being serious and helerious-what is with that??
sorry.
i am hormonal.
nothing wants to make sense.
But i don't want to hurt anyone,I just want something to happen.I want simon to move on,so i can potentially move on myself and find this incredible someone else...if they're even real.
Oh yes,they are.They're probably married.Or gay.
Out tonight with Sian.
Im looking forward to it,she brings me out of my shell.
Any guys tonight?
Probably NONE.
supprise supprise.
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