Time will mend the broken.

I realise I've just got to love myself a little bit more.I have no respect,and expect way to much from myself.Of course I'm going to spend the majority of my day dissapointed and deflated.I need to take more time,care and attention to make things right.Make things different.Make things better.
See,I just go on and on about all these different problems in hand,and try and worm my way around it all,avoiding the problem in the middle causing it all.And that problem is me! I know that without love,I just can't be happy.And without loving and appriciating myself,I won't find love in other places where I want to find it.
It doesn't matter that one thing has crumbled,my goodness i've taken alot of things in my life and i'm not going to let this small episode be the thing that breaks me.Hell no.I've got so much to give,so much to live for and so many to meet,greet and make proud,why waste all that one little person who,just doesn't care?
I thought it all the while.
but ignored it,becuase,I was foolish.
I admit i've gone through a lot of things in the wrong way.Things don't end up solved,they just go even more wrong and things change but not in the best way.Leaving me feel so out of place.
really,I am comforatble in my own skin.That was a complete and utter lie.I feel happy with myself and don't want to change,only if it's changing awee bit of my image or style or whatnot,but I don't really want to change.changing would make me feel uncomfortable.
It's just other people that make me contimplate who I am really.I havn't really been with anyone who I can safely feel comforatble with.Like,off gaurd,no make-up-a rainy day,and still find me attractive and make me laugh and smile.I'm fed up of people wearing me down,and I'm not going to stand for it.I've got to take those feelings bubbling up inside me when I see his name,or ask him how things are going.It's like i'm longing him to tell me how much he misses me and made a mistake.But I don't know why I want that.Is it to make me feel special?appriciated?(finally,) or is it so I have some sort of power and tell him no?whatever the reason,it's not going to come to light becuase he just isn't going to say that.He doesn't want me back,and I doubt that he misses me.
Maybe he doesn't like me at all anymore.He's just finally taught himself some manners and is just being polite.It makes me wonder why i'm even bothering,why I still appear to want him as a thread in my life,holding me on to home when really,home is where I make it.

I'm going to help myself now.I have my friends,my work,my family and my drives,goals and ambitions.I'm going to go to the gym on a regular basis,to make me feel better about myself.I'm going to prepare myself for meeting that special someone.I realise if I follow the same ambitions that I once set myself before all this uni merlarky and general work,I may get back to my old self.I know some things are in-changable and thats a good thing becuase I'm happy with who I am.And i know that you can't ever be prepared for such unexpectedness.But,I know that soon something good has to come my way after this low dip.
I suppose i've just got to keep doing what i always do.
Be myself.And hope that things will improve.
Give myself things to look forward to,and hopefully time will mend whats broken.

:( it's just I cant help but feel that this is it.This is actually it,there will be no meeting up 'aw this is silly' effort,no going to an awsome gig and sharing a bed in a hotel one night,keeping each other warm.That won't be.And soon he'll be commenting girl's profile pages who have much more maturity in their lives than me.Who are plain and simple but are what he's after.And he'll be writting lil hints in his status's and will be photographed with her to,just rubbing it in.We may try and be friends but I will DIE inside each time we smile.If we even smile.
What a horrible prediction i just made.
I hope it isn't true and doesnt happen.I just wish he'd stop being so blunt,and telling it how it is.

I'm strong on the inside as well as the out.I can do this,and my goodness I will.