There's gotta be home.

I realise change takes a long time for it to settle in my system and feel normal.And while thats happening I always assume it's all going to go horribly wrong.I just lose complete faith in everything,and forget who I really am.I tell myself these things...and believe them.Moreover than the things I used to tell myself that were along the lines of "don't worry,it'll all be ok in the end." I fear i've grown more impatient,and that has to change,becuase,I won't be me anymore.
I feel quiet empty.But maybe it's just the relife of my emotions.That all those feelings bottled up were finally let out to escape into the air.Or maybe it's dread,that i'm alone again.At least when I was with ben and,the most of the time I were unhappy,at least I had someone there.But then I craved some sort of independance,I knew all along it wasn't working,we wern't compatible together,but I wanted it to work so much.And now,I feel I don't have anything to work for.

But of course thats rubbish.I have my uni work and friends,family as well as my dreams and ambitions I have lots to live for and commit to.A break from any sort of relationship will be a healthy move for me.

I need to get traten the way I deserve.I feel I'm constantly forced into being the person who just tells people what they want to here and what they believe is good for them,as aposed to what I really feel.becuase people just don't want to know.And I think it has a long lasting effect on me.
Now I do feel I have friends that I can tell anything to and will always be there to help me pick up the pieces but it's going to take time for things to be normal.I always have something lingering,something that I should do to be better,to be ahead,more on top...just generally better.

I really do wish I were better,a better person.
then i wouldn't work myself into these rediculous situations where I always end up feeling like shit.I am FED UP of that feeling now,and want a possitive change for the better.

BECUASE THIS REALLY SUCKS RIGHT NOW.
and I want this to go away.