Becuase this is a new beginning.

and I have been given a new chance to shine,and try again.
I can't worm my way into this little hole,I hate watching others do it and advise them againist it-and what is attractive in feeling sorry for yourself?
nothing.
That won't turn heads.
So,I'm going to start again and have a fresh beginning,becuase I'm fed up of this new me I've become.I want the old me back,where I was happy,and chipper.Where things would happen and I would leran from them,the good or the bad.They would mean the same thing to me becuase I would take them with the same attitude,pinch of salt.I knew what was best for me,and in the end things have worked out-and I'm going about things completely the wrong way.It's good to have a break,get away from things.I can concentrate things for the first time and put in 110% of my effort into things that really matter and see where it all leads.
It is unlikely I'll get very far circling around the same questions,doing the same things I did that I know made me feel sad.I'd keep reading the same pages,keep singing along to the same songs and nothing would make any sense.I'd push people away who would deserve to be close,I would prioritise myself in the wrong order,offending people,I wouldn't be able to think straight.I'd tell myself what I'd need,when really I would have no idea.

I havn't had fun in such a long time.
And that really does have to change now.I am me again.And I don't have to worry about pleasing anybody or doing the right things for others,becuase that made me do more wrong,made me change.And I said I would never do that.not for anybody.
And I did.and it did change me.
not for the better.

there will be someone out there for me,who will come find me when I least expect it.And it'll hit me,and I'll tingle all over and won't be able to stop smiling.then I'll know that it fits together,and it makes sense.I don't want to fall just becuase I have the oppertunity to,that the offer is there,and things seem sweet and nice at the time.I want it to fit,and the situation to be right.Like it is for everybody else around me.I'll know when it's right.
And in the mean time I'll spend time having fun with my friends,watching my favorite films and having long phone calls into the night,find myself again,listen to things becuase I like them,not becuase they're cooler,and wear what I want to wear,however daft he used to think it looked on me...I need to wear my favorite thing-my smile,that shall guide me through whats ahead of me.
Make my parents proud.
make myself proud.
Keep the balence even.

Go to gigs and scream out loud.becuase this is what I'm meant to be doing right now,not getting bogged down in adult relationship-problems.
It's not that I don't want a relationship.It's just I want one thats right.

hopefully,with the old me back in the making,maybe it may come my way...