a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere...

Maybe im feeling cleansed,that maybe the light is shinning through.That my efforts to re-invent were a good idea in the end.Or maybe not.Maybe i'm wrong.Maybe theres a dip to come,that i'm fucking kidding myself again.

I'm really into Deathcab for cutie at the moment,they're such an amazing band with amazing lyrics that really get under my skin.I guess maybe i try to hard to see what i want to see,and shape things how other people want me to shape them,i forget what I even set out to do.I think alot of people get that,it's just admitting it.It's just knowing when to step back and realise.
I get the feeling that i'm being a complete idiot.That i'm being something that I cant see but everyone else can.I should really drop the whole ben thing-whatever the hell we are.Or arn't,indeed.It just keeps going round and round,and eventhough the feelings are mutual,that doesn't mean you have to stick with it,does it?is that just too selfish?I guess I just want to make everyone happy,and put myself last all the time.But when i do put myself first,i realise what a fool I am.
I always end up in these...situations everyone tells me to avoid.
Where to go,and what to do.
oh dear.
=[ hello oh-so-familiar feeling...