Basically,I'm afraid that I'll lose him to his own fears.And what can one possibly do when I'm not there to be the one to constantly re-assure him?I mean yes I do alot for him,to keep him happy and together,but it's alot harder than I thought it would be.It makes me feel strange,like i'm not enough for him,like my words just shoot right through him.I'm not sure if thats really the case,but sometimes I feel he likes to listen to his own thoughts more than me.
In truth,I like this.It's testing and I feel flattered,as aposed to previous boyfriends who were more annoying than a challenge.It's just I have to be SO careful what I say to him,becuase everything he over-analyses and makes up conclusions that are completely sureal.I don't know if seeing him in a weeks time is going to do us good,or perhaps more harm.It's the leaving...we've made so many lil plans,for things to do,and really as soon as I see him I just want to peal away his clothes from his body and kiss every part of him,and have the most amazing sex...Put on City and Colour in the background,and not speak,not say anything at all,god I just want to take in his smell,I just want to take him in,make him forget all his fears...i wonder...god I hope he's not an idiot.
I hope he fights his fears for me...instead of giveing in...