yeah,lets get romantic.

So,I don't know what I'm going to like from one moment to the next.Really,I feel like Clementine.I feel like some sort of inbalence,but I good kind.Nothing really seems to be making much in the way of sense,and i'm afraid to be daring,and yet I just want to detatch myself from all of this crazy jazz...
Like,I don't know what to say anymore,becuase somehow i've managed to get myself wrapped in this invisable love?I don't feel like i've given enough of my heart to make this a real deal,but it's very strong on one side.I wish I could make him happy,but I'm afraid to say that i'm not that person.-I can here him dissagreeing with me now with no's and awws,but we really arn't suited for that kind of venture.We have so much in common,but that doesn't mean that its worthy of a relationship.I'm not sure why I even decided it was a good idea,I guess once I was in one of those frames of mind where I just wasn't thinking of the consequences.But you ever get it,when you want something to work so much,you really want that person to be real...I've always got my eyes and heart open to the meeting this wonderful guy,who will just make everything work..I'll know the click,I'll know it,I'll do everything to make it work,I want that someone so much,I miss the companionship,I miss being the center of someones life,worthy of so much effort and him being all mine.I really want to travel with him,do exciting things together,have plenty of romance and passion,yet be each others best friends too.I know I ask alot.I don't know if this guy is real,or if he is,he'll be married already or gay.I just...need a refreshing male who will just make those butterflies fly in my stomach,who'll will take me in his direction,who'll just love me for me so much,who will want to build his life around me.I mean,I don't know about settling down in a big way,but I just...want that so much.
Ben isn't that man I have decided.I've been looking out of train windows and seeing the trees pass,the sun set and the crows call and know that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.He doesn't want to venture like I do,he makes me smile,but not laugh,he says sweet things but he's mainly cold,acting cool,he looks at his feet as aposed to beaming at the sky,he's style is attractive,but a form of teenage uniform he doesn't want to break...he's mind is broad,but one tracked to made-up rules and regulations.He's wonderful,yet not what I'm looking for.
I've got it sussed now.
And now i've come to some form of satisfactory conclusion he'll tomorrow take me by the hand and give me the most melting kiss,and crack the sweetest smile and tell me all these plans...and I'll be swept away AGAIN.So why pretend that it's all fine,that I like how it is,when really it's just frutiless?I hope we have some great days though...hope we have some splendid moments,perhaps another night...to prove himself hehe.
But it appears thats all i'm after when really it isn't.Yes he has many flaws but I would drop anything like a hat to be his girlfriend.But maybe it's becuase I know I can't that makes him all the more attractive.
He's out partying right now.Lots of pretty girlies.why arn't I afraid?
I should be,he's not with me,would he jump at the chance?why am I even saying?
I'm going to go now.Hold Moggie my baby.
She loves me...