I have the overwelming urge to cry.Becuase although things are feeling pretty good,at the same time it feels like everything is alien to me,and I just want to run away back to some form of familiarity-eventhough I know before I was in a state of confusion and unease,at least I could get used to that.
Ben's making me feel brilliant one moment and then crap the next,saying how he doesn't want to be wrewining my uni expeierence,and off I go assuring him he won't and he makes me truely happy and shit,and then actually I realise all my lowest moments so far have been his stupid doing!I don't get how he can reply on me to pick up his pieces when he's being a complete arse,and when i'm feeling low myself he just makes me feel even worse.What is with that?
But I fear I am addicted to him.Which isn't at all cool right now,becuase he's not even in my pressence.Yes ladies and gentlemen,we are back to that situation again.I don't want to be,and yet I always find myself with something potentially brilliant,yet inconvieniant.I know he shouldn't be on my mind much at all,as i've got lots of things to look forward to.I just don't want him to be a fool and make me feel down.But he is doing just that.And I feel sick.

Uni though is brilliant.It's great to be away from home and great to mingle with lots of new people,as well as horrible sometimes!hehe but people in my flat I've made good friends with,which is really nice.Simon's coming back tomorrow which I can't wait for,as we get on really really well.Me him and Ally.I fear I may even start to like him,but that would be bad.
It's not like theres any shortage of guy material around these parts it has to be said.Made out with a hot guy in a club the other night,which I shouldn't say with a grin but I have to write these confessions down.He was different,he wasn't slimey like the other guy I picked up,who was apparently 'hot' to my other flatmate...it was embrassing.It helps boost your confidence though it has to be said.I like the attnetion,although I would never do anything,I couldn't with Ben in the equation.He's said so many sweet things to me recently,I am well and truely falling in love with him but I can feel myself hold myself back.Well,til October anyway,when he comes down to visit for a long weekend.
I miss him.
I miss home and family so much.
I want to do some work.

*wish* i'll update later.